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Germany · the looking board

Bondage personals in Berlin

Berlin treats rope as an ordinary thing two adults might do on a Thursday, which removes most of the explaining that other boards spend their first paragraph on. The scene is large, international and unusually flat: there is little deference to anybody senior, and somebody new gets judged by how they behave rather than by who taught them. The transience is the real feature. A great many people are here for a few years, and posts say plainly whether the writer is counting on staying.

Posts come from Kreuzberg, Neukölln, Prenzlauer Berg, Friedrichshain and the western districts. People lead with their side of the city because a rope evening has to survive the journey home.

Riggers in Berlin

Looking for somebody to tie, and saying what they want the rest of the week to look like.

  • She was my practice partner for four years and I got it wrong

    Wants: somebody who takes the boundary between practice and a partner seriously

    We were a practice partnership for four years. Same evening every week, nothing romantic, both of us seeing other people at various points and neither of us confused about it. Or so I thought, until she told me last spring that she was moving in with somebody, and I discovered that I minded far more than a person in my position had any right to.

    four_years_practice Friedrichshain Twelve years, and one very well-run arrangement I misread completely.

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Rope bottoms in Berlin

Looking for somebody to be tied by, with the terms set out before anybody starts.

  • Nine of us in the flat and a courtyard that carries every sound

    Wants: somebody who has somewhere, or a sense of humour about not having one

    There are nine people in my flat. It is an arrangement that made sense when I arrived and now has its own governance structure and a spreadsheet for the bathroom. The courtyard outside is the kind that carries a whisper from the fourth floor to the ground, and everybody in the building knows everybody's business as a matter of routine.

    nine_and_a_courtyard Friedrichshain Two years, one short partnership, no privacy at any point.

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Switches in Berlin

Both ends of the rope, and a partner who can handle the swap without making it a subject.

  • I am shouted at professionally, so I need the evening silent

    Wants: somebody who is comfortable with long stretches of saying nothing

    I work in a room where forty people talk at once for nine hours and then I go home and cannot bear a radio. That has consequences for this that took me years to understand, and the main one is that I do not want an evening full of talking. I want an hour where almost nothing is said and both of us are concentrating.

    quiet_half_of_week Prenzlauer Berg Nine years, both ends, and a low tolerance for noise.

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  • My shifts arrive ten days ahead, so nothing further out is real

    Wants: somebody who can work with short notice and a fixed rhythm underneath it

    My rota comes out ten days in advance and it never looks like the last one. So when somebody asks whether I am free three weeks on Thursday, the honest answer is that I have no idea and will not have one for a fortnight, and I have watched that answer end several conversations.

    past_ten_days Neukölln Three years, both ends, and a calendar I do not control.

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  • My grown son lives with me, so my flat is not an option

    Wants: somebody with their own space and no curiosity about my household

    My son is in his twenties and lives with me, and given what a flat costs here he will be living with me for a while yet. We get on. It is a perfectly good arrangement and it means that my home is not available for any of this, ever, and will not be for years.

    my_son_lives_here Kreuzberg Nineteen years, both ends, and no privacy at home for three of them.

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  • Eleven years here, and I have watched the room empty out three times

    Wants: somebody who is also staying, for once

    Three times now the room has emptied and refilled with people I did not know. Not all at once. It happens over about eighteen months, and then one evening you look around and realise you are the only person there who remembers what the place was like before, and you are forty five and being introduced to everybody as though you were a landmark.

    eleven_years_old_guard Kreuzberg Seventeen years, eleven of them here, and three complete changes of cast.

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Couples in Berlin

Two people posting together, whether they both tie or only one of them does.

  • Neither of us ties, which is a strange problem to have as a couple

    Wants: somebody who might want to be genuinely close to two people

    Neither of us ties. We both get tied, we have both done it for about nine years, and when we got together four years ago several people pointed out the obvious arithmetic and we said it would be fine. It has been fine and it has also meant that our shared practice consists of talking about a thing neither of us can provide for the other.

    two_rope_bottoms Friedrichshain Nine years each, and no one at home to tie either of us.

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  • We each learned from somebody else and our habits do not match

    Wants: another couple who have had to merge two ways of doing it

    Each of us came into this relationship having learned everything from one previous partner, and those two people did it completely differently. Not in any way you could call right or wrong. Different order of doing things, different amount said out loud, entirely different assumptions about what happens afterwards.

    two_different_teachers Friedrichshain Eight and eleven years, learned in two entirely separate households.

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The rest of the scene in Berlin

A board is one way into a local scene and the narrowest one. Most people who tie in Berlin met somebody in a room, not on a page like this.

The other boards

A scene is a different size in every city, and the board runs in 21 of them.

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Pin yours in Berlin

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