Couples · Friedrichshain, Berlin
We each learned from somebody else and our habits do not match
Pinned as two_different_teachers
- Wants
- another couple who have had to merge two ways of doing it
- Rope so far
- Eight and eleven years, learned in two entirely separate households.
- Around
- Friedrichshain, Berlin
Each of us came into this relationship having learned everything from one previous partner, and those two people did it completely differently. Not in any way you could call right or wrong. Different order of doing things, different amount said out loud, entirely different assumptions about what happens afterwards.
Three years in we are still finding new instances of it. Last month we discovered that one of us had always assumed a particular thing was discussed in advance and the other had always assumed it was not, and we had been quietly accommodating each other for two years without noticing.
We are thirty seven and forty, Friedrichshain, together three years. Both of us tie and both of us get tied, in various combinations.
What we would like is to talk to another couple who came together from two separate educations. Everything written about this assumes either two beginners or one experienced person and one new one, and the version where two people arrive fully formed with incompatible habits appears nowhere.
Not looking for a third. Not looking for anybody to adjudicate whose way is better, which is a game we have played at home and which is not fun. And not looking for people who learned in the same place as either of us, since that would rather defeat the purpose.