Couples · Manhattan, New York
We came from two scenes that had never heard of each other
Pinned as different_circles
- Wants
- friendships that do not require us to choose one crowd
- Rope so far
- Nine years and six years, in two groups with no overlap at all.
- Around
- Manhattan, New York
When we met, each of us had been doing this for years and neither of us recognised a single name the other mentioned. Not one. Two people in the same city, both fairly involved, with entirely separate maps of the same activity. We found that funny for about a month and then realised it was going to be a genuine problem.
The problem is that a couple is expected to have a crowd, and we have two, and they do things differently. Different etiquette about who asks whom. Different attitudes to how much gets discussed afterwards. We have spent four years quietly translating between them and we have mostly given up going to either as a pair.
We are thirty nine and forty three, Manhattan, together four years. She ties, I get tied, and both of us bring habits from a room the other has never been in.
What we would like is a couple of friendships that belong to us jointly rather than to one of our histories. People who are not from either circle would honestly be ideal.
Not looking for a third, which is what happens whenever a couple posts anywhere. Not looking to be absorbed into somebody else's established group. And not looking for anybody who wants to litigate whose crowd does it properly, since we have had that argument at home enough times.