Couples · Queens, New York
Twenty years for him, fourteen months for me, inside one marriage
Pinned as one_started_last_year
- Wants
- another pair who have lived through a very lopsided start
- Rope so far
- Twenty years and fourteen months, in the same house.
- Around
- Queens, New York
He has been doing this since his twenties. I found out about it fourteen months ago, after eleven years of marriage, when he finally told me, and I decided I wanted to try rather than merely permit it. That decision is the best thing I have done in years and it has also been much harder than either of us expected.
The difficulty is not the rope. It is the gap. He knows what he is doing and I do not, and every single evening carries the risk of turning into a lesson given by my own husband, which does something strange to a marriage of eleven years. We have caught it twice and pulled out of it, and I suspect we have missed it more often than that.
I am forty three and he is forty six, we are in Queens, and we are posting together because we would like to talk to a couple who have been through the same lopsided start.
Specifically we would like to know how other people kept the teaching out of the marriage. Whether it helped for the beginner to learn from somebody else. Whether it evens out or whether you simply get used to it.
Not looking for a third, and not looking for anybody to teach me, which we have discussed and decided against for now. Not looking for advice from people who started together, because that is a different problem entirely. And not looking for anything that involves either of us being observed.