Switches · Queens, New York
The list of things I will do got shorter and better
Pinned as limits_after_forty
- Wants
- a partner who finds a short specific list more interesting than a long vague one
- Rope so far
- Fifteen years, and a shorter list than I had at thirty.
- Around
- Queens, New York
Somewhere around forty two the list of things I will do got noticeably shorter, and the odd part is that it also got much better. Fewer things, done properly, with a lot more attention. I did not decide this. My body decided and I spent about a year arguing before I agreed.
Forty two, Queens, fifteen years in and both ends of it. What changed practically is that I need longer, I need to move more, and there are two things I used to enjoy that I now decline every time without discussion. I say all of that at the start because the alternative is discovering it mid evening, which nobody enjoys.
The person I was with when it happened treated every one of those as a temporary setback and kept helpfully suggesting adjustments. He meant well and it was exhausting, because it meant every limit had to be defended rather than simply stated.
So what I want is somebody who will hear a short list, ask a few practical questions, and then find the remaining ground interesting rather than reduced. In my experience the people who are actually good at this are delighted by a constraint, and the ones who are not are the ones who wanted a menu.
Not looking for anybody who will ask again in six months. Not looking for someone who wants to know what I used to do. And not looking for anything where the point is how much of it there is.