I want a boyfriend who ties, not a slot in somebody's practice week

I want a boyfriend. That is the entire post and everything else is detail. I want somebody whose apartment I have keys to eventually, who I complain to about my week, who ties me because he likes me and not because he needs the hours in.

Thirty three, Brooklyn, four years in. I have had two practice arrangements, both of them run properly and honestly by people who were clear about what they were, and I have nothing bad to say about either man. What I have is the realisation, arrived at slowly and then all at once, that I was using them as a substitute for the thing I actually wanted and getting steadily lonelier while telling myself I was building experience.

I am aware that saying this out loud reads as needy on a board where everybody is meant to be sophisticated about arrangements. I have decided I would rather be thought unsophisticated than spend another two years being somebody's Tuesday.

The rope matters to me and it is not the reason. If you would still want to see me on a week where neither of us had the energy for any of it, we should probably talk.

Not looking for a practice arrangement, in any form, however well run. Not looking for somebody who already has a full week and a gap on Thursdays. And not looking to be told that I will feel differently about this once I have more experience, which two people have said and both were wrong.