Couples · Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
One of us wants this weekly and one wants it monthly
Pinned as argue_how_often
- Wants
- couples who have found a workable answer to a frequency mismatch
- Rope so far
- Ten and six years, and a disagreement we have had for three of them.
- Around
- Prenzlauer Berg, Berlin
He wants a standing evening twice a week. I want it about once a month, and when it happens I want it to be a proper occasion rather than a routine. We have been having versions of this argument for three years and neither of us has moved, mostly because neither of us is wrong.
What makes it hard is that it is not a disagreement about rope. It is a disagreement about what the practice is for. For him it is maintenance and rhythm and something that gets better by repetition. For me it is an event, and repeating it weekly would turn it into the washing up.
We are thirty eight and forty one, Prenzlauer Berg, together nine years. He has ten years of this and I have six.
We are posting because we would like to hear from couples who have landed somewhere workable. Not advice about compromise, which we have had from everybody and which produces an arrangement neither of us wants. The specific solutions: whether the frequent partner practised elsewhere, whether the infrequent one came round, whether anybody found a third answer.
Not looking for a practice partner at this stage, since that is precisely one of the things under discussion. Not looking to be told one of us is being unfair. And not looking for anybody who solved this by one person giving up, which is the outcome we are trying to avoid.