Riggers · the western districts, Berlin
Everyone here moves fast and I have never once managed it
Pinned as slower_than_the_city
- Wants
- somebody who also takes months rather than evenings
- Rope so far
- Eleven years, three partnerships, each of which began very slowly.
- Around
- the western districts, Berlin
The social pace of this city defeats me. People meet on a Thursday and are somebody's partner by the following month, and I have watched it work perfectly well for a great many people and I cannot do it. I need months. Not out of caution exactly. It simply takes me that long to have any idea who somebody is.
Thirty six, out west, eleven years in. All three of my partnerships started with a long stretch of ordinary company where nothing happened and neither of us was performing anything, and all three were considerably better for it.
What I have learned to do is say this at the start, because otherwise the slowness reads as disinterest and people quite reasonably move on. So: I am interested, I am not going to behave like it for a while, and if that is unbearable we should not begin.
What I want is a partnership over years. Two evenings a week eventually, and probably nothing at all for the first two months except talking.
Not looking for anybody who wants to meet quickly to see whether there is chemistry, which is a method I have no talent for. Not looking for something with a deadline attached, since my pace and a deadline do not fit in the same year. And not looking for a partner who will need reassurance every fortnight that this is going somewhere.