We each have our own rope partner and it took years to get right

Each of us has a separate rope partner. Both arrangements have run for over two years, both people have been to this house for dinner, and everything is on one calendar that lives on the refrigerator. It works. It took roughly four years and two bad versions to get here, and we would not describe any of it as easy.

The bad versions are the useful part. The first was vague: no named people, no schedule, an assumption that we would each be sensible. That lasted eight months and ended in a row at one in the morning. The second was over specified to the point of absurdity, with rules about messaging that neither of us could follow.

What works is boring. Named people. Fixed evenings. Everything on the calendar. A standing agreement that a change of category gets reported before it happens rather than after. And both of us actually meeting the other person, which is the single thing that stopped the whole business feeling like a second life.

We are forty five and forty seven, the Jersey side, together twelve years. What we would like is another couple running something similar, to compare notes with. There is a great deal written about whether to do this and almost nothing about how, and we worked it out expensively.

Not looking for anybody to join anything. Not looking to be a case study for a couple who are considering it. And not looking for a pair who are currently in the middle of the first bad version, because we would only sound smug.