Riggers · Manhattan, New York
Five years ended over a move of forty minutes, which sounds absurd
Pinned as moved_forty_minutes
- Wants
- somebody who takes the geography seriously from the first conversation
- Rope so far
- Fourteen years, one partnership of five, ended by a lease.
- Around
- Manhattan, New York
She moved. Not away, not for a job, not to another state. Forty minutes further out, for an apartment she could afford, and within a year we were finished. I have told that story to people who assume I am leaving something out. I am not. Forty minutes was enough.
What actually happened is that a standing evening twice a week became once, and once became once a fortnight, and at some point we stopped being two people who saw each other constantly and became two people who arranged things. The rope was fine. Everything else quietly stopped.
Thirty nine, Manhattan, fourteen years in. What I took from it is that in this city, distance is not an inconvenience, it is a rate limit, and a rope relationship in particular runs on frequency rather than on intensity. You cannot bank it. Two very good evenings a month is not the same substance as two ordinary evenings a week.
So I am asking about the map early, and I am asking about leases, and I am aware that makes me sound like a very unromantic person to talk to in the first week. What I want is close and frequent and long. Somebody I could walk to would be ideal and I recognise that is a lot to ask of chance.
Not looking for anything long distance, at all, in any form. Not looking for a partner who is about to move and has not mentioned it. And not looking for occasional intensity, which I have now tested to destruction.