Switches · Manhattan, New York
My wife agreed to this and I have been shading the numbers
Pinned as under_report_hours
- Wants
- a rope partnership I can describe accurately at home
- Rope so far
- Thirteen years, married for eleven of them, one arrangement that drifted.
- Around
- Manhattan, New York
My wife agreed to this properly, years ago, after a long conversation neither of us enjoyed. What I have done since is quietly understate how much time it takes. Not lied. Rounded down, left out the hour afterwards, described a weekly evening as occasional. I noticed I was doing it about eight months ago and I have been unpicking it since.
Forty, Manhattan, thirteen years in. The reason I did it is dull and probably common: the true number sounds like a relationship and the shaded number sounds like a hobby, and I did not want to have the conversation the true number would start.
We have now had it. It went better than I deserved. What came out of it is a set of terms I intend to actually keep, which is why they are in a post rather than in my head: one named person, one evening, everything on the shared calendar, and my wife knows your first name and what your week looks like.
So I am looking for somebody who wants that kind of clarity rather than finding it clinical. Both ends of the rope, over a long stretch, with nothing about it that I would have to phrase carefully at home.
Not looking for anybody who wants more than one evening a week, because that is genuinely what is available. Not looking for someone who would rather not know about my household. And not looking for anything at short notice, since a calendar is the whole basis of this.