Couples · the east, London
She has gone back to it and I have not
Pinned as she_came_back
- Wants
- honest conversation with anybody who has been through the same split
- Rope so far
- Both of us have years behind us. Only one of us is currently using them.
- Around
- the east, London
She started again last autumn after a long time away and it has been very good for her. I have not, and after nine months of being asked kindly whether I am going to, I have had to admit out loud that I do not think I am. That admission is about six weeks old and the house is still adjusting to it.
We are both in our forties, east London, together twelve years, and we did this together for six of them before life got in the way in the ordinary manner of jobs and a parent's illness. When we picked it back up she found the whole thing waiting for her and I found that I had changed.
Neither of us thinks the other is being unreasonable. That is the odd part. There is no villain and no grievance and it is still a genuine problem, because what she wants is a practice and what I want is a Tuesday evening in.
We are posting because we would like to talk to people who have been here. Specifically we would like to know what the arrangements that worked actually looked like from inside, rather than what people say about them in the abstract.
Not looking for somebody to take my place, at least not as an opening move, because we have not got that far and might not. Not looking for advice from anybody who has not lived it. And not looking to be told that one of us will come round.