Couples · the south east, London
We both tie, neither of us bottoms, and that is the whole problem
Pinned as both_of_us_tie
- Wants
- somebody who would want a place in our lives rather than a slot in our week
- Rope so far
- Twenty two years between us, and almost nobody to practise with.
- Around
- the south east, London
We are both riggers. We got together anyway, which several people warned us about, and eight years on the warning has turned out to be entirely about logistics and not at all about whether we suit each other.
The arithmetic is simple and unhelpful. Neither of us wants to be tied. Both of us want to tie. So either we go without, or we each find somebody, and going without for eight years has not been possible for either of us. We have handled that in various ways over the years and some of them worked better than others.
What we have concluded, and what this post is really about, is that the arrangements that failed were the ones where the other person was a solution to a problem. The ones that worked, and there have been two, were friendships first. Somebody who came to dinner, who we knew about, who was part of things rather than an appointment.
So we are not advertising a vacancy and we would be uncomfortable if it read that way. We are saying that we are two people in our forties in the south east, we both tie, we are looking for somebody who might want to be genuinely close to two people over a long time, and that rope would probably be part of it.
Not looking for anything with terms. Not looking for somebody who wants to be with one of us and tolerate the other. And not looking to rush any of it, because the times we rushed are the times it went wrong.