Couples · downtown, Toronto
We settled how public any of this would be in year one, on purpose
Pinned as decided_early
- Wants
- one or two couples who have made their own decision about the same thing
- Rope so far
- Seven years together, six of them with rope in the house.
- Around
- downtown, Toronto
We had the conversation about visibility in our first year, at a kitchen table, with an actual list, which sounds joyless and has turned out to be the most useful hour we ever spent. Who knows. What they know. What happens if somebody's colleague turns up at the same thing. Who we would tell if we had to. It is written down and we have amended it twice.
Thirty six and thirty eight, downtown, together seven years. We did it deliberately because we watched two couples we liked have the decision made for them by an accident, and in both cases the accident was small and the consequences were not. Neither pair had ever discussed it. They had simply assumed they agreed with each other.
We did not agree, as it turned out. He was considerably more relaxed than I was, and I was far more relaxed about family than he was about work. Discovering that at a table was a great deal better than discovering it in a lobby.
What we are looking for is other couples who have done something similar, because they are almost always easy to be around. We are not offering advice and we are not collecting people. We would like a few friendships where nobody has to guess what is discussable and what is not.
Not looking for a third, which every couple has to say. Not looking for anything at all beyond friendship.