Riggers · the east end, Toronto
Fifteen years married to a woman who has never once wanted to try
Pinned as spare_room_full_of_rope
- Wants
- a partner who wants a second relationship rather than a secret
- Rope so far
- Seventeen years, two long partnerships, both known about at home.
- Around
- the east end, Toronto
The spare room has been mine since roughly the third year of our marriage. My wife opened the door once, looked at the quantity of rope that has accumulated in there, said something extremely dry about my other hobbies and closed it again. That is the whole of her involvement, it has been for fifteen years, and she is entirely at ease.
Forty three, the east end, seventeen years in this. I write it first because it is the question, and because a number of people will stop reading here, which is the right response if this is not the shape you want. Nothing is hidden. She has met both of my previous partners. She does not want the details and she does not want to be protected from the fact.
What I have to offer is two evenings a week and one weekend day a month, reliably, over years. What I do not have is holidays, most Saturdays, or any prospect of that changing. I am not in an unhappy marriage waiting for an exit and I would like that understood before anybody invests anything in me.
Both women I have been with under this arrangement had full lives of their own, and I have come to think that is the only version of it that works. It fails when somebody wants the part I cannot give.
Not looking for anyone who would rather not hear about my wife. And not looking to be somebody's secret either, since I am nobody's.