Switches · North York, Toronto
My hands changed, so I rebuilt what I do around what still works
Pinned as hands_not_what_they_were
- Wants
- a partner interested in what is there rather than what is not
- Rope so far
- Twenty years, both directions, with a practice I redesigned at forty six.
- Around
- North York, Toronto
My hands are not what they were at thirty and they are not going back. That has been true for a couple of years. What I do has changed considerably as a result: there are things I have taken off my own list and will not be putting back on it, there are evenings that go differently than they used to, and there is a good deal more talking in between.
Forty eight, North York, twenty years in and both directions. The rebuilding took about eighteen months and was not miserable. It was mostly interesting. When something you have done without thinking for two decades stops being available, you find out which parts of it you actually valued, and it turned out that almost none of the value was in the part I lost.
The difficulty was other people. Two of them, both fond of me, both convinced this was a temporary problem with a solution they were on the verge of finding. I do not want to be unfair to either. They were being kind. But a limit that has to be defended every few months stops being a limit and becomes a negotiation, and I ran out of patience for it.
So I would like a partner who takes the current version at face value. Ask the practical questions at the beginning, once. Adapt without commentary. Then let us get on with the rest of it, which is most of it, and which I enjoy considerably more than I did at thirty.
I am not interested in suggestions. I have had all of them.