Switches · the west end, Toronto
People accept one half of me and treat the other as a phase
Pinned as nobody_believes_second_half
- Wants
- one person who wants both directions rather than tolerating one
- Rope so far
- Twelve years, both ends, and a decade of being half believed.
- Around
- the west end, Toronto
People believe one half of it. Whichever half they met me doing first is the real one, and the other gets filed as an experiment, a phase, or something I do to be accommodating. Twelve years of this and it has never once gone the other way. Nobody has ever assumed I was serious about both.
Thirty five, the west end. The pattern is so consistent it has become almost funny. If somebody meets me tying, then when I mention the other thing I am asked whether I am sure, in the tone you would use with a friend who was about to get a tattoo. If they meet me the other way round I am told it is nice that I am willing to try.
I am not willing to try. I have been doing both for twelve years. The proportion moves about depending on who I am with and what my week has been like, and neither half has ever gone away for longer than a season.
So what I want is a partner who wants both from me rather than one who puts up with the second. In practice that means somebody who also moves between the two, or somebody very secure about the fact that some weeks they will be at one end and some weeks the other. I have had that exactly once, for two years, and it was the easiest relationship of my life.
Not looking for anybody who needs to know in advance which way an evening is going. Not looking to be talked out of half of myself, gently or otherwise.