Riggers · the east, London
The first thing anybody asks here is who taught you
Pinned as which_circle
- Wants
- somebody who does not mind that I ask a great many questions early
- Rope so far
- Fourteen years, two circles, one of which no longer speaks to the other.
- Around
- the east, London
The first thing anybody in this city wants to know about a new partner is which crowd they came up through, and the answer is treated as far more informative than it actually is. I came up through one and moved across to another about six years ago. In two rooms that makes me a defector. In most rooms it makes me nobody in particular, which suits me better.
Thirty nine, east London, fourteen years in. Having watched a small community decide it knew all about a person on the basis of who introduced them, I now put very little weight on any of it, and a fair amount on what I notice myself over several months.
What that means practically is that I ask questions and I am slow. I want to know what your week actually looks like, who else is in your life, what you are like when something goes wrong and whether you say so at the time or three days later. None of that is vetting in the formal sense. It is just how I decide whether to spend a couple of years with somebody.
What I want at the end of it is a partnership. One person, an evening a week that is ours, and enough shared history that we stop having to explain ourselves to each other.
Not looking for anyone who wants to know my lineage before my name. Not looking for something occasional. And not looking for a partner who needs the room's approval before they can enjoy an evening.