Couples · the east, Amsterdam
He ties, I am in the other room, and I am not a problem
Pinned as nobody_needs_to_fix_me
- Wants
- friends who can take that at face value on the first telling
- Rope so far
- Nine years together, three of them with his partnership running alongside.
- Around
- the east, Amsterdam
Most of the time I am not even in the room. I am somewhere else in the flat with a book and a cup of tea, and that is not a sad detail, and it is not the first stage of anything. He ties. I do not. I have no interest in it and I am not waiting to develop one.
I am thirty eight, he is forty, east side, together nine years. He has a partner he ties with and has done for three years. I like her and we have had dinner more times than I can count.
What we are posting about is that I am tired of being treated as the unsolved problem in the arrangement. It happens with other couples, always gently, usually inside an hour. There is a suggestion that I might try it once. There is a question about whether I feel left out. Somebody once asked him, in front of me, whether it was hard for him.
It is not hard for either of us. I have my own evenings, which are good ones, and he has his, and the thing that makes it work is that nobody in this house believes I am missing anything. On the evenings he is out I have the flat entirely to myself, which after nine years is still one of my favourite things about the arrangement.
We would like friends who can take that at face value on the first telling rather than the fourth. That is genuinely the whole ask.