Riggers · the south, Amsterdam
She went home in the spring, and I am writing this six months later
Pinned as she_went_home_in_march
- Wants
- somebody who is also in the middle of the year afterwards
- Rope so far
- Twenty one years of rope, nine here, one partnership of four.
- Around
- the south, Amsterdam
It is six months now, and the thing I miss is not the evening. It is the twenty minutes afterwards when neither of us said very much, and the fact that on any given Wednesday I knew precisely where she would be. Four years of that, and then a family situation at home that nobody could have argued with.
We tried across the distance for about four months. It became a series of calls about flights, then a call about whether the calls were helping anybody, and then we stopped. Neither of us behaved badly at any point. That has been oddly hard to accept, because there is nothing to be angry about and anger would have been useful.
Forty five, the south, twenty one years of rope and nine of them here. I am posting because six months of not posting has not made me feel any different, and because a friend told me bluntly that waiting to feel ready is just a way of not doing it.
What I want is what I had. One person, a standing evening, over years. I am aware that I have essentially described her and that a person is not a vacancy. I will manage that part. What I am not going to do is pretend I am at the beginning of something when I am plainly still at the end of something else.
If you are somewhere in your own year afterwards, I would rather talk to you than to somebody it has never happened to.