Eleven years of doing both, and everyone remembers half

People remember whichever half of me they met first, and eleven years has not shifted that once. If the first evening went one way round, that is who I am to them permanently, and the other half becomes something I have to reintroduce every few months like a hobby I have recently taken up.

Thirty five, out west, eleven years. It is not a grievance so much as a monotony, and it shapes who I end up with, because the people who ask about both are rare enough that I notice them within about ten minutes.

The practical version: I want a partnership where both directions are ordinary rather than an occasion. Not alternating on a schedule, which I tried for a year and which turned into an accounting exercise neither of us enjoyed. Just a relationship where either of us can say what we want on a given evening without it becoming a discussion about who we fundamentally are. Some weeks it goes one way for a month at a time and that is fine. It is not a balance to be maintained, it is just what we felt like.

I am looking for one person over years, two evenings a week, and the ordinary life around it. Another switch would be easiest and is not required. What is required is that you can actually go both ways, rather than politely allowing it twice a year.

Three things that will not work: somebody who wants me to settle on one, anybody who calls one half the real me, and a rota.