Switches · the east, London
Yes, both. No, I have not simply failed to make my mind up
Pinned as both_ends_straight_face
- Wants
- a partner who wants both directions rather than taking turns to be fair
- Rope so far
- Nine years, both ends, and one partnership that only ever went one way.
- Around
- the east, London
I tie and I get tied and I want both from the same person, which has turned out to be the difficult part. Not because anyone objects in principle. Because in practice most people have one direction they genuinely want and one they perform every couple of months as a kindness, and I can always tell which is which.
Thirty four, east London, nine years in. The relationship that taught me this ran for three of them. She was completely willing, entirely gracious about it, and about as interested in tying me as I am in cricket. Neither of us said so for a long time because it felt ungrateful, and by the time we did, the imbalance had turned into something bigger and more resentful than it needed to be.
So the thing I look for now is appetite rather than willingness. I want to be with somebody who occasionally decides, unprompted, that tonight is the other way round, because they want it that way rather than because it is my turn.
I should say that I am not evenly split. Roughly two thirds of the time I would rather be the one tying. That is not a rule and it moves around by season and by whatever is happening at work, which is one of the things I like about it.
Not looking for anyone who wants me to pick. Not looking for somebody who will explain switching to me, which happens about once a month and is never interesting. And not looking for an arrangement where the swap has to be scheduled a fortnight in advance.