Rope bottoms · outside the ring, Amsterdam
Seven years with a man who does not tie and has never minded
Pinned as he_does_not_mind
- Wants
- a rope partnership that sits alongside something good
- Rope so far
- Four years, all of it with his knowledge and none of his involvement.
- Around
- outside the ring, Amsterdam
My boyfriend of seven years has no interest in any of this and has never once made it a subject. He asks how the evening went the way he asks about anything else, listens for about four minutes, then tells me something about his own week. That is the whole of it, and it took us roughly a year to arrive there.
Thirty one, outside the ring, four years of rope. He is not tolerating it and he is not curious about it. He tried it once, early, decided it was not for him, and has been entirely relaxed ever since in a way I had not known was available.
So what I am looking for sits alongside something good rather than instead of it. A rope partnership, ongoing, one person, evenings agreed in advance and nobody surprised by anything.
The part I have found hardest is other people. Every couple I have explained this to has produced a theory within about a minute, usually about what he must really feel underneath. He is fine. He said so again on Sunday when I asked, and was mildly irritated at being asked.
Not looking for anybody who would want to be a secret, because he knows and will go on knowing. Not looking for somebody who needs to meet him for reassurance, which he would find baffling. And not looking to be anybody's only relationship, since I cannot be.