friend who likes bondage

I have a really close female friend who I’ve discovered enjoys bondage and similar things, but I’m unsure how to bring it up. I really like her and don’t want to ruin our connection. Any advice?

What I’d suggest is keeping in mind that talking about it is a bit like discussing sex. (I’m not claiming BDSM revolves around sex—at least among those who take it seriously—I just mean that people involved find satisfaction in ways most similar to how vanilla folks experience sex.) Bringing it up by saying you enjoy being tied up (or whatever) is much like revealing your favorite sexual position when chatting about intimacy. You might get a chuckle, but don’t expect an overwhelmingly positive reaction right away. Do you know if she goes to any community gatherings? Perhaps Munches? If so, attend one and "happen" to see her there. As long as she isn't embarrassed by meeting a friend (whom she thinks is vanilla) in that setting, it’s a good opportunity. (If it feels totally awkward for her, don’t push too hard—you aren’t trying to signal the hidden message of “I know your secret and can tell all your vanilla friends.”) Regarding the worry about really liking this girl and not wanting to mess things up: it’s tough to give specific advice based on that alone. All we truly know is that she has a friend (you) who likes her, and she enjoys bondage—which isn’t much data. Contrary to what many believe, women have diverse personalities; some traits will thrill certain girls but repel others. This holds true for those in the BDSM world too. (Besides, we don’t even know if she’s dominant or submissive.)