Newly arrived at the site and uncovering who I am

I’m not just a newcomer to this website; I’m also new to uncovering and owning up (to myself) about what turns me on. After 23 years of marriage—currently separated—from an extremely controlling husband, who micromanaged every part of my life including suppressing my sexual needs, things have been quite limited. He’s hardly a domineering figure, more like a nuisance. I’ve loved sex since age sixteen; after meeting him at eighteen, the rule was we could only go once a month unless he approved it his way. Whenever I proposed something fun or kinky, he’d suspect I had learned it from another man.

For many nights and early mornings, I hid in the back corner of my closet with a small box of silent toys to help manage my urges. These were mostly household objects: clothespins, modified belts, and ropes.

My fantasies always revolved around me being either dominant or submissive. This interest began at sixteen when an eighteen-year-old boyfriend tied me to his bed and teased me for hours before leaving to eat with a friend. He returned an hour later thrilled that I was still enjoying myself! If he hadn’t invited his buddy into the room while I was there (I was incredibly shy:oops: ), this might have become my thing. Like many high school romances, we split up and then I met my husband. Though not always dominant in bed, he certainly held sway over our relationship outside it until we moved in together, after which things declined. As mentioned earlier, I rarely got to express myself sexually!

I’ve been living apart for five months now. At forty-one, I visited a sex shop! Purchased two genuine toys and have used them nonstop for the past two nights.

It feels wonderful being free and exploring my sexual identity! Thank you for letting me share; I look forward to learning more here!!:whip: