Public presence and planning your scenarios - discussion

the archived discussion

In the BDSM world, there is an important basic principle. What is done, is done with the consent of all involved. Often, this involves negotiated limits; a submissive may declare certain activities as “hard limits” which the Dominant respects. Of course, in self-bondage, you are both Dominant and submissive, so you are negotiating and agreeing with yourself. But what happens when the scenario gets other people involved? For example, you do one of the commonly discussed scenarios involving restraining yourself in a hotel room. There is an underlying risk that you may be discovered, unexpectedly, by the hotel staff - cleaning, bringing a meal etc. This represents an element of excitement. You have set the restraints and your release method; you are confident it will work and expect to be released well before anyone enters your room. This is “Case A”. Now, let’s look at an alternative, “Case B”. You set the restraints but deliberately do NOT have any release method, leaving a note at Reception asking to be woken without fail at some time. You are relying on a staff member to come and find you helpless. Another example. You are male; you go to a secluded spot in a forest that you found, dressing very “slutty” and restraining yourself to a tree with a good release method, plus an emergency release. You found this spot by accident; there’s no obvious path leading to it, but there is just a possibility that a walker might happen upon it, bringing extra excitement. This is “Case A” And the alternative. As before, male and slutty dress, but you restrain yourself to some fencing beside a quiet street near a shopping mall, hanging a sign from your chained body reading “Use and abuse me”. You have a friend who will release you in a few hours. This is “Case B” And another example. You are a cross-dresser, quite convincing but not perfect. You spend the day in the shopping mall, buying some new clothes, sitting in a cafe with coffee, even perhaps chatting to someone. “Case A” Or you cross-dress in a slutty way, wear a studded collar, strut around and make sure everyone in the mall notices you. You’ve guessed it, Case B. In the above examples, with “Case A”, there is a small chance a member of the public may become involved in what you do, but that isn’t your intention; it’s just a quiet scenario with excitement supplied by the small risk. In “Case B” you are deliberately trying to involve the public. “Case B” scenarios are NOT acceptable because the unfortunate public did not consent to being involved in your scenario. The consequences of “Case B” scenarios range from publicity, police involvement, and legal action through to violent or sexual assault. So when you are contemplating your scenario, remember, the public have not given their consent. I do not agree. You use the substitution of definitions, then draw a strange conclusion. The conclusion does not follow from these examples. In helpless bondage you cannot force anyone to participate in your scenario. Actions of other people can be unpredictable and may not meet your scenario’s needs. Even if you need help to release, people can choose not to take any part and just call the police. Using this logic, a crossdresser cannot go public because they do not get public consent, as it makes others see that they are not pleasant.