A Young Virgin's Struggle with Bondage and Romance

Hello everyone,

I want to start by mentioning that I’ve been reading the boards off and on for a very long time, and I really love the vibe of this site.

It’s finally time for me to join in because I’m dealing with some personal issues that need expressing, and hopefully you all can offer some help. I am a 21-year-old straight male virgin who has been following bondage since around eighth grade. My first orgasm happened during a selfbondage hogtie about a year later, and I didn’t begin masturbating in the usual way until I was roughly 18. Now, I masturbate almost every day while watching videos from sites.

The issue is that I feel like an addict; my obsession with bondage seems to be stopping me from having typical sexual relationships. Recently, a girl and I hooked up, and for the first time ever, she gave me a blowjob. We were both quite intoxicated, but I couldn’t get it hard enough. At first, I blamed the alcohol. After staying in touch with her, we tried again a few days later. This time, although I had only drunk a couple of beers while she was fairly tipsy, my erection held up. However, I barely felt anything and didn’t climax. Surprisingly, I wasn’t even that aroused by her presence.

Given it was my first real attempt, those results were unexpected, and I worry they stem from my addiction. I tried cutting out porn, but the break lasted less than a week before I fell back into a binge-watching frenzy.

I am an engineering major at a large university. I earn excellent grades in a tough program by studying hard. Although I’m active in my fraternity, I often avoid bars and parties because they make me anxious (even with drinks) and I dislike large crowds. Meeting girls is also something I struggle with; finding things to say doesn’t come naturally. Modern music isn’t for me, nor do I follow the trends most young people discuss.

I’m not overly socially awkward—I have many female friends—but we usually meet through mutual male acquaintances, and I often end up stuck in the friend zone. My past few relationships haven’t worked out due to various reasons. Personally, I’d rather sit by a bonfire with a beer or relax in a pub than attend a raucous party on a big dance floor.

Since my recent mishap, my already modest confidence has dropped further.

Please feel free to comment on anything here; I value input from those who understand. Therapy is an option I’ve considered, though I’m unsure if therapists would truly get it. Writing this out has been very beneficial for me.

Thanks, Hogtidal